Surviving Christmas Film Review - Worst Film Ever??

Initial Thoughts

                UN-pleasant, you will find me using that word a lot throughout this review. The film is one of the most troublesome films of the year, and just might have a shot at the “Worst Film Ever” title on my blog which is currently held by Mr. Beans Holiday with a 4/100.

                It’s almost shocking how many Christmas rules this film breaks, incest jokes, pornography jokes, greed that ultimately ends in happiness, tons of swearing, and so much more. And call me crazy, but a Christmas film should be for more than just perverted creeps, because those are the only people who would find this even remotely entertaining.

Story: 0 out of 25

                Sure the story is horrible; un-original, clichéd, and actually kind of stressful and annoying, but did it really deserve a zero? Well YES it did, because this is a Christmas film! And Christmas just happens to be my favorite holiday! So no one messes with my Christmas like this! First off a Christmas film should be care free but still teach a lesson, this film is extremely stressful, and teaches a lesson that we have been taught a million times (and sort of teaches it wrong in a way) that you can’t buy happiness, even though all throughout the film he is always buying things to make others happy but I digress. Second it should be meant for the whole family, meaning it’s a family film, meaning, NO SWEARING what would have happened if in The Nightmare before Christmas if they said things like a**, bi**h, f**k, h***, bull***t and bas***d? People would have been pretty upset about that wouldn’t they? We’ll all of the cuss words stated were somewhere in the film, and most of them used more than once.

                Un-pleasant characters being horrible cruel to one another only to result in one giant let down of a conclusion, way too fast paced to be a lovable Christmas film, tons of un-needed swearing, pornography used by 3 different characters at multiple different times, they even mention a hooker once! In a Christmas film! The idea is simply ludicrous as everyone already knows that money can’t buy happiness, and even that the film screws up because all throughout the film you see Drew buying things for people and having them ultimately being pleased with him.

                And that my reader’s is why the story gets a zero.

Characters: 0 out of 25

Once again, every character in this film is un-pleasant, and I don’t just mean many or most, no I mean every single character in this film is un-pleasant. Even at the end of the film they find a way to be annoying, or stressful. At the end of the film you don’t feel sorry or happy for anyone; in fact, you have just given up at the end of the film. Nowhere throughout the film did I feel ANY remorse for ANY character, if a character got in a fight, didn’t care, heck, a character could DIE and I would not miss him/her.

Okay Christmas 101 guys, ahem, in order for you to tell an effective Christmas story, you need to have emotional connection! That is when a trait or action is revealed about a character that the audience can relate to, and therefore when that character goes through a hard ship, the audience feels sorry for said character. DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?! Not a single relatable thing in the film, every character is just a stressful un-pleasant person attacking everyone else, or doing completely inappropriate things during Christmas (such as looking up porn…Really who does that on Christmas Eve??).

Un-pleasant, un-relatable, stressful, and extremely irritating.

Christmas Appeal: 0 out of 25

                I believe I have already stated and re-stated my option on the Christmas appeal for this movie, so I will try to re-cap. Tons of un-needed swearing, I mean they just throw it around like its normal langue, pornography jokes used many times, a hooker joke, seduction jokes, incest jokes, greed ultimately buying happiness, and no redeemable characters, none of them actually learn a lesson at the end which is sort of a must in a Christmas film.  

                That is a very quick rundown of two why this film downright insults everything that Christmas stands for.

Comedy: 2 out of 25

                Yup bet you didn’t this was a comedy did ya? Yup look it up, this horrible stressful irritating film is apparently considered a comedy film, and the only reason it got a 2 was because I could some hints of jokes, that would have worked (if it was a different movie). However when you have such an un-pleasant film, and your so stressed out and tired of all the fighting and swearing and actually kind of serious topics for a Christmas film, every joke falls flat. Every joke. When has comedy in a Christmas film ever been successful? When has it ever made the film into a classic? Christmas films should not be about making people laugh it should be about bringing family’s together! Which this film fails at as well!

                Not funny, and out of place in many ways, there is a hint of some effort of comedy in this film, but it’s too little too late.

And so the final verdict for DreamWorks production and appropriately titled Surviving Christmas is a…

2/100

Worst Film Ever aka Hall of Shame

I didn’t think that it was possible, but Mr. Beans Holiday is no longer the worst film ever, for somehow Surviving Christmas managed to be even worse with an astonishingly low 2/100! With a horrible story, terrible characters, and well, you know the rest! It insults everything Christmas stands for! And is well deserving of its new title of the Worst Film Ever.

Jingle All The Way Film Review

Initial Thoughts

            Why did this film get green lighted? that's really the only question that's in my mind right now. But hey it stars Arnold Schwarzenegger right?! it must be good right!? well your wrong! for every good film he has done, he has also made about a dozen bad ones, and what would be a better example of that then in the epic Christmas failure Jingle All The Way. Horrible acting, lousy story, jokes that fall flat, and just a creepy UN-pleasant atmosphere the entire way through.

Storyline: 10 out of 25

            What a stressful film revolving around a stressful time of year. Two adults running around town attempting to get a last minute Christmas present, and for some reason everything seems to be going wrong, such as being scammed by a gang of Santa's, other blood thirsty adults who would form mobs bent on getting one of these dolls, and all at the same time, having a creepy divorced neighbor who is being more fatherly and more of a husband than you are. that sure sounds like a film i want to see this stressful time of year, just by reading the description I bet you just had shivers go down your spine.

            If Christmas films are trying to release stress than this film failed horribly, tons of wide angle lens, which make you feel as if the characters are going to jump out of the screen and eat you (epically Arnold with his accent) This is a very rushed family comedy, which doesn't give the audience any room to breath or take in what's going on, which usually causes the audience to blank out.

Comedy: 13 out of 50

            First off it is really hard to laugh at jokes when the majority of the film is spent running around like a maniac. When all you see is chaos and distress, especially chaos and distress that you can relate to (such as Christmas) most of the jokes will not make the audience laugh anyway, even if they are funny to begin with. However in this film, the jokes aren't funny to begin with, every joke is simply poorly written and poorly delivered.

Even some jokes that might work well, such as a certain bomb joke that occurs near the end, are concluded with a silly little family friendly punch line, reminding us that it is simply a terrible family comedy.

            UN-imaginative characters certainly do not help, as they are the ones delivering the lines, and the fact that Sindbad is in the film simply drags all of the comedy out of the scene. and if you don't know who Sindbad is, then consider that your own Christmas gift from me. And for those of you who do, HE IS NOT FUNNY, as probably many of you know already.

What else can you say but...ITS NOT FUNNY.

Characters/Acting Quality: 3 out of 25

            Very clichéd characters, all of them, you got your work all day dad, gullible mother, bratty little kid that will Dangle off a tall story building running away from a possible murderer just to get a small piece off plastic, and one very, very, VERY, creepy neighbor who sounds so creepy half the time I feel like he's going to jump out of the screen and molest me. in fact, many aspects of the characters and the film in general sounds really scary, with that Austrian accent, most of Arnold's dialogue makes it sound like he's going to eat his child more than comfort him.

            From the very beginning you can tell what their lines will be like, what their personality is going to be like and what they will do because there is not an once of original content in the entire film, and it defiantly shows.

And so, the final verdict for the film Jingle All The Way is...

26/100

Terrible

There's very little that I can say about this film, but its not funny! or well written or well acted or well directed...its not well, not well at all. I know most of you have probably been making a list of Christmas classics to watch this season...do not include this one.

  

                                                                                   

Movie Line Up: Dec- 13,16, 20, 23

Hello guys! once again i am posting my next movie line up for the majority of the month of December! I tried to include as many Christmas related films as i could, but some of the choices just couldn't be avoided!

Friday Dec 13:  Jingle All The Way (1996)

Monday Dec 16: Surviving Christmas (2004)

Friday Dec 20:  Repo Men (2010)

Monday Dec 23: So This Is Christmas (2013)

Don't forget everyone, if you have a film that you really want me to review, just leave a comment, and i might just add it to my next movie line up!

Despicable Me 2 Film Review

Despicable Me 2 Film Review

Initial Thoughts

            Sorry its taken me so long to review this, but none the less here we go. After getting many requests to do this movie, I am finally getting around to doing it, and when i went in, I was excited, and I mean who wouldn't be? its the sequel to 2010's hit animated comedy Despicable Me. which I have reviewed, and which I thought was pretty, but not perfect, I was initially concerned about the future of Despicable Me due to the slow but surely complete failure of similar franchises such as Shrek, and Ice Age.

            But will this sequel live up to the original? or will it quickly dissipate, such as other films?

Storyline: 18 out of 25

            Now, there are some good and bad things about the story and plot in this film. First off, they did use the aspects of the previous film to help back the story in this film, this can be risky depending if your audience has seen the first film or not, but in this case, I think that wont be a problem. But it is clever and is a much better start than other sequels have had. Plot devices are introduced at a reasonably good pace, and some of them (not all) have some background and are explained to a minimum extent. However as the film progresses some of the issues begin to immerge. Lets start with the clichés, yes this is a family comedy after all, and you can't really have a Family Comedy without clichés. Seeing how this is a film with children (daughters to be exact) you have that classic, learning about men sort of thing, you know a growing up cliché. Yeah there are good things to learn, but it has been done so much, it just gets old after a while, and there are much better movies that teach the same lessons.  

            Another thing that ties in with the story and plot line is the pacing. As while the story progresses, the pacing plays a huge role in how well the story is portrayed. And for the first half, it was pretty good, It matched the pacing that was in the first film, which isn't a bad thing. however as the film got beyond the halfway mark, it went down and down, the film got faster and faster, plot holes began to emerge because of it. And the fact that questionable character lines begin to appear as well certainly doesn't help clear up the questions that begin to pile up during the end of the film.

            (Spoilers!)Why did Ramsbottom become so hostile so quickly? why does he basically fire Gru after one case? why was he invited to the wedding? why was the love between Margo and El Machos son so rushed? all of these and more are never answered.

Characters: 20 out of 25

            Okay, this is one aspect that they didn't do terrible at. In fact it is quite clear that they did some effort to make the characters well developed and interesting. Another bonus is that they didn't totally re-write the characters that continue over from the first film into this one. But instead they simply added to, and changed some personality traits that had been re-arranged at the end of the first film. For example at the end of the first film, it was clear that Gru now cared more about his daughters than he did being evil. Not that he still didn't enjoy being evil, but he has realized that being evil would in turn endanger his kids. This character trait is built upon, and further developed in the 2nd film.

            They didn't introduce to many new characters that it would be confusing for us, and they didn't bring back any non-essential characters from the 1st film. Which leaves room to focus on the major characters from this film. You may not realize this, but this is quite an issue in sequels now a days. The issue is that the will add characters in the sequel and keep all of the characters from the pervious film, then when the next sequel appears, the same thing occurs, rinse and repeat. This tactic can, and always will kill a movie franchise.      

            However they do not do that, for which I am great full.

Comedy: 18 out of 25

            While the film did get a lot of laughs out of me, it wasn't as good as the first film. And I think this has something to do with the fact that there isn't a lot of original ideas in the comedy. I know that it is difficult creating new comedic ideas and Appling them to different situations, and they did try. But Gru's partner is so not funny. she was probably the most irritating character in the film, her personality, comedic possibilities, everything I hated, the reasoning? She was to happy, yup that's it, she was way to friggin' happy. The base line for comedy is that some one has to suffer, either verbally, or physically. But when you have someone just so happy, there aren't a hole lot of comedy you can do with the character, and the reason for this is simply because of the base line of comedy.

Plot: 20 out of 25

            for the most part, many aspects of the film made sense, where well introduced (some where introduced in first film) and helped further the story and or gather laughs from the audience. However there is one specific thing I want to talk about. the villain. Because really, it can get really confusing. The league arrests a totally different guy than who their main suspect was, the shop keeper they arrest is never mentioned by the main antagonist, by the protagonist, and the reasoning for him joining the antagonist is never explained what so ever. Besides that, there is just to many issues with the main antagonist and the way the protagonist's go about capturing him, that it just takes away all creditability.

And so the final verdict for the film Despicable Me 2 is a...

70/100

Decent

Call me harsh, but I do not think that this film was the huge hit that many other audience members and film critics claimed it to be. Yes the story and characters where surprisingly strong, however there where many clichés that wear down at all aspects of the film. But does that make it a bad film? Not at all, don't get me wrong, this is still a really good movie, and you will have a really fun time watching it, but according to me, it is just decent. 

    

 

        

The Cold Light Of Day Film Review

The Cold Light of Day Film Review

Initial Thoughts

            When I first saw this movie at the library I thought that it was going to be a good movie, I was in the mood to see an action film done right, after seeing the horrible Remake of Red Dawn. I mean, this one stars Bruce Willis; it has to be good right? Well unfortunately all my dreams were crushed only 20 minutes in. When I found out that it is a Bruce Willis film without Bruce Willis.

            Well you know me, you can't base an entire movie off one point, so lets get into more detail.

Storyline: 4 out of 25

            Unnecessarily confusing, unexplained plot devices (including the main plot device). A story that makes no sense in terms of logic, or natural human instincts. The story is just a complete mess. The entire storyline is driven by one plot point (and a particularly weak one at that) but we don't even no what it is, like, they never explain at all, what it is, what information is inside, who it really belongs to, or really who the two sides are who are actually fighting.

            A fairly simple concept has been turned into a very confusing jumble of death. Plot points aren't even completely developed until they start explaining another one, so they will cut away from letting us know something and then start telling the audience something totally different.

            The main character, their biggest star, dies within the first 20 minutes. Sure his character is important and everything, and is still discussed after his death, but they killed off Bruce Willis within 20 minutes! And he was a main character! That is a huge slap in the face to every audience member, and don’t tell me that he was just a minor character because the other characters mention him and discuss his life throughout the rest of the movie, he pretty much drives the storyline, and plus, his picture takes up half of the box art, his name is massive and is bigger than every other actor’s name.

Action/Special Effects: 5 out of 25

            Just because it has pretty special effects does not mean that the action in general is good. For example when the fighting logic is totally thrown out the window, the score will suffer. The logic in this film is the worst I have ever seen, consistently characters are thrown into situations where they would be dead, true that is nothing new for Hollywood, but other films try to cover up facts like that, this film does not. It openly makes many stupid situations that no one would ever survive, and when that happens many audience members tend to just throw their hands in the air and not give a crap about the characters because obviously they can survive everything, thus reducing or completely eliminating any kind of emotional build up for the characters. This is one of the reasons why action scenes exist, to build an emotional build up to the protagonists and antagonists. It is not only just to blow stuff up.

            So in short, it doesn’t matter how beautiful the special effects are, if the emotional impact of an action scene is gone, because the logistics of the action scene is gone. The audience members need to be invested in the character’s situations or they will no longer care about said characters.

Characters: 4 out of 25

            Every character cliche I can think of is in this movie, aside from making extremely stupid decisions that would make anyone bang their head against the wall, they aren’t developed, they aren’t interesting, and well, the Bruce Willis is killed before the main action even begins!

            When a major action star is killed at the beginning of an action film, and the only person left to kill people is some no body that we have never heard of before, who can’t act, or give any human emotions that will eventually hurt the characters in general, considering that he is the main character here on in. The character motivations are never explained, more specifically, the antagonist’s motivations. Any teenager my age will never understand who the villains are associated with, why they are trying to kill the main hero, or what they are doing in the country in the first place! This is simply one instance of a character action not being explained, and considering that the story is the main element that explains character actions, I really shouldn’t be surprised.

            Not explained, or developed, or well-acted (I mean horribly acted, I have had more feelings for the dust under my bed) and just generally done poorly, these characters are a prime example of how a bad story can, and has, destroyed the characters in a film.

Nostalgic Value: 5 out of 25

            Many old action stars have a certain nostalgic value in their newer films; this means that their newer movies have the same atmosphere and style to them as the old flicks did. This is sort of a tribute to old fans, and informing new fans of the history of their careers and filmography, as well as the importance of the older films. And I am proud to exclaim that this movie does not do any of these things, not only does it not satisfy old fans, it doesn’t satisfy anyone. The film has no atmosphere, plain and simple, the style is sloppy and undefinable.

Okay lets just get this over with before I puke…

The final verdict for the (not so) Bruce Willis film is…

18/100

Battleship: The Movie

Yup, that’s pretty much the only way to describe this film, it is just as bad as Battleship, getting the same rating. Horribly written, directed, acted, along with a terrible story, characters, and logic.

Not to mention that BRUCE WILLIS DIES WITHIN THE FIRST 20 MINUTES! Avoid if at all possible my fellow watchers…avoid.

Red Dawn Film Review

Initial Thoughts

            When I first looked at the back of the DVD cover, I thought that it looked like a winner, you got Chris Hemsworth from Thor, Josh Hutcherson from The Hunger Games, and Isabel Lucas from immortals. Lots of famous stars, from many different successful film franchises. But unfortunately what we got was a poorly written, plot hole infested, jumble of clichéd dialogue and scenes, as well as mindless violence.

            This is just as bad as any other terrible action film I have reviewed on this show. And all I have to do is say the main premise of the film, and all of you will see why this doesn't work. North Korea invades (and takes over half of) the United States.

Storyline: 5 out of 25

            This films storyline is a classic among action/war films. a foreign country invades the land of the free and its up to one marine and a bunch of un-trained riff raff to stop them. And usually I wouldn't have a problem with that, what I do have a problem with is the fact that the story and plot are both torn apart by non logical situations, and tons of plot holes. Basically every plot device that is introduced either spontaneously appears without any background, or isn't explained nearly enough for it to be used effectively. Without any spoilers, there is a plot device that is brought up in literally the last 10-15 minutes of the film, and it is essential to the plot, we never hear anything about the technology involved prior to that scene, and it is never really explained after wards so it literally pops out of nowhere.

            Many, Many plot holes all throughout the entire film, and the logistics for basic physics and real life reactions to the given circumstances are thrown out the window. the story would have been half decent however there are just way to many plot holes and issues with the very basic concepts of the storyline.

Characters: 5 out of 25

            It most action films, you would have one action scene right out of the gates, and then wait for 30-40 minutes building character, establishing setting, and other essential aspects. In this film, the characters are thrown into the action 10 minutes in and it never stops. sure it will try and add some development here and there, but the characters are in the main action now, they should be well developed before entering the main conflict because if one of them die, we would have an emotional bond to that character, thus getting us more engrossed in the situation. However the characters get barley any worth while development and the development they do get is so clichéd, and so lazy, it doesn't really count for much.

            Most of the characters (Protagonist's and Antagonists alike) are complete idiots, a few characters in particular do exceptionally stupid stuff that make you want to smack them upside the head every time they do something idiotic. The character Matt Eckert (played by Josh Peck) is probably the worst culprit for this, having every word that comes out of his mouth being either a complaint or suggesting something stupid.

RANTING SECTION - logistics

            Okay first off, North Korea could never invade the United States. First off geographically it is impossible to get to the united states without being spotted by the united states, as it is explained that they invaded at Washington first, which is on the other side of the country, if they attempted to fly over, they would be shot out of the sky. And I don't care what kind of electronic bomb they had, they wouldn't have enough to disable the entire country, and why would they anyways? they would most likely only strike at strategically essential positions, so this bull that they disabled all of the USA is totally pointless. 

            But okay, lets assume they were able to get across the entire country without anyone noticing. What about Canada or Mexico? they still have radar and stuff, The film says nothing about them being bombed as well, so why doesn't either Canada or Mexico inform the UN or something? And in fact, why doesn't Britain know without the help of North American countries we have the  technology to know what's going on this exact moment in other countries. So why isn't Britain doing anything?

            And lastly, North Korea doesn't have  the military power to take over the United States, they couldn't even take over South Korea for crying out loud! and the only reason they themselves weren't taken over by south Korea is because china dumped a bunch of troops on North Korea, but there's no evidence on that happening here, the only outside help we here about is literally one guy from Russia, that's it. And even if North Korea could out gun the United States, the speed at which the do it is un-reasonable, they take over half within a month! and taking the size of the United States, that's quite the ways to do within a month, would the troops get tired and need a break?

            Okay, know that that's out of the way, lets continue.

Acting Quality: 3 out of 25

            Many of the actors never break an octave and don't show any emotion and when they do its so over the top and so silly that it can't really be taken seriously. In addition apparently non of the actors can play an emotional scene because every time one shows up it looks like they literally splashed some liquid on their face.

Special Effects: 10 out of 25

            While the special effects are defiantly better then that of Battleship: the movie, the action scenes themselves seem to just a complication of things blowing up. No real order, just explosions, and while that might look cool (and don't get me wrong, I love seeing explosions) but when the deaths of many people seems out of context and kind of random, it sort of turns me off to that fact.

And so the final verdict for the movie Red Dawn is a

23/100

Blood Boiling

When I first saw this movie, I was ranting for almost an hour about it, and by the time I was finished, I could feel my heart rate increasing and my blood pressure rising. But who could blame me? The story is terrible, the plot's even worse, the characters have no development, and the actors who play them do a pretty bad job (which is surprising because some of the major stars like Chris Hemsworth are actually good actors).

Stay away from this film, at all costs, avoid it like the plague.